Skip to main content

NRA Introduces Open Carry for Nukes Bill

The National Rifle Association has sponsored legislation in the U.S. Senate that would allow open carry of tactical and strategic nuclear weapons with a yield of 1 megaton and less.  In a press briefing, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stated, "Our NRA overlords have indicated that the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a nuke, is a good guy with a nuke.  We have no reason to question that."  Moderate Senate Republicans have signaled concerns that 1 megatons was too high of a threshold, and that they would want to lower the maximum yield to 150 kilotons.  "We feel that limiting the size of personally owned nuclear weapons to 10 times the size of the Hiroshima bomb is a reasonable compromise," said Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine).  Wayne LaPierre of the NRA argued that limiting the size of open carry nukes would be as dangerous to the nation as limiting the size of assault rifle magazines, and would be a slippery slope to outright repeal of the Second Ammendment.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Amazon to Conduct "Hunger Games" Style Contest For Second HQ

In an announcement that is sure add speculation to the much anticipated location search for its second headquarters, Amazon has stated that it will pit cities vying for the honor against each other in a Hunger Games style contest.  CEO Jeff Bezos will visit each city hoping to become the home of the corporation's new headquarters, and personally choose a contestant to participate in a fight to the death.  The winner's city will be bestowed with the blessing of becoming home to the secondary headquarters of the retail giant.  Each contestant will be given $100 which they will be able to purchase any supplies or weaponry of their choice prior to the contest, provided that it is available on the companies website.  During the Games, the company will dispatch drones to air drop other select Amazon retail merchandise to aid contestants as they progress through the battle.  "Amazon is not for the faint hearted," said Bezos, "and the 1st Annual Amazon Games will provid...
Post a Comment
Read more

Google Deploys Robotic Middle Finger on Autonomous Vehicles

Tech giant and driver-less car pioneer Google announced that it will be deploying robotic middle fingers on all of its autonomous vehicles.  The deployments will begin in New York, followed by Detroit, Washington D.C.; and then proceed to less hostile driving environments.  The company realized that its current fleet of autonomous vehicles had no way of displaying displeasure or anger when cut-off, tailgated, or for any other rude and generally ass-holey actions.  The middle fingers will have two speed settings.  The "instant" setting will employ a spring mechanism that will rapidly deploy the finger for situations that require quick reaction.  The "slow and steady" setting will feature the driver side window slowly rolling down while the middle finger simultaneously extends out the car towards the offending vehicle.  A camera in the middle finger will record the other driver's reactions, and sophisticated facial recognition software will interpret the reac...
Post a Comment
Read more

NASA to Explore Inner Space

Due to severe budgetary cutbacks and lack of a manned space vehicle following the end of the Space Shuttle program, NASA has announced that it plans to wind down exploration of outer space, and instead focus on inner space.  "There is no need to look externally, when all the answers can be found within," explained newly appointed NASA Director Mary Rainbow Sundance.  "Our mission will now change to focus on our inner space as individuals, and find the answers that have eluded us as a species for millennia.  We must look deep within, and transcend space and time to fully realize NASA's potential," she explained before dimming the lights at the press conference and playing new age music.  NASA will re-purpose its major facilities and equipment to save money in its new endeavors.  Launch pads will now be upgraded to hold giant incense sticks.  The famous  Hubble  telescope which has for years taken images of the far reaches of the universe, will now ...
Post a Comment
Read more