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HP Set to Make Printing Green

Printer juggernaut Hewlett Packard unveiled a new line of green printers which the company claims will be many times more environmentally friendly than any printer currently available.  "Double sided printing, non-toxic ink, and other innovations have provided incremental environmental improvements over the years," explained HP spokesperson Kathleen Simpson.  "However, our new technology will enable an order of magnitude reduction in the carbon footprint of the of the printer industry."  At the core of the new green printers is a proprietary algorithm utilizing neural networks and fuzzy logic which only allows randomly selected print jobs to actually be printed.  All other print jobs will simply display a series of nonsensical error messages such as "CODE 5XY" or "RGB 1, 2 , 9."  In addition, a newly developed planetary gear system with precisely machined defects will produce frustratingly frequent paper jams.  The company says the new printer will be so exceedingly difficult to use, that the average user will either be unable to, or choose not to print; thereby by producing an environmental benefit that HP estimates will be the equivalent of removing 200 million cars from the roads.

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