The Instant Pot, a programmable pressure and slow cooker, which has exponentially gained popularity in recent years, has found yet another use. Until now, the Instant Pot was used for cooking an incredible variety of foods, from macaroni and cheese, to tea, to beef wellington. In an announcement that is sure to continue the Instant Pot craze, researchers at Johns Hopkins University in Baltimore declared that they successfully created a cure to cancer in the versatile kitchen appliance. The researchers combined all the necessary components into the Instant Pot, including stem cell DNA, chemotherapy drugs, antibiotics; and a spice mix consisting of turmeric, paprika, salt, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Director of Clinical Pathology Dr. Fred Vance explained the process further: "First, use saute mode under low heat to gently cook the mixture until brown. Then pressure cook under high pressure for exactly 17 minutes, and release using QR." For readers unfamiliar with the Instant Pot, QR stands for 'quick release', where one manually releases the pressure instead of letting the pot cool down from natural convection. Dr. Vance cautioned that if this is done in countries where electricity is supplied in voltages other than 120V at 60 Hz (as in the United States), the pressure cooking time should be increased to 18 minutes with natural release, or the mixture would result in an antibiotic resistant strain of pneumonia. The results of the research have been published in this months issue of the Journal Science.
Tech giant and driver-less car pioneer Google announced that it will be deploying robotic middle fingers on all of its autonomous vehicles. The deployments will begin in New York, followed by Detroit, Washington D.C.; and then proceed to less hostile driving environments. The company realized that its current fleet of autonomous vehicles had no way of displaying displeasure or anger when cut-off, tailgated, or for any other rude and generally ass-holey actions. The middle fingers will have two speed settings. The "instant" setting will employ a spring mechanism that will rapidly deploy the finger for situations that require quick reaction. The "slow and steady" setting will feature the driver side window slowly rolling down while the middle finger simultaneously extends out the car towards the offending vehicle. A camera in the middle finger will record the other driver's reactions, and sophisticated facial recognition software will interpret the reaction
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