Skip to main content

Amazon to Beta Test Catapult Home Delivery System

Next week, online retail giant Amazon is set to conduct Beta testing of its new CHDS, or Catapult Home Delivery system.  The company, which had previously tested drone delivery, said in a statement: "Catapult delivery has the potential to disrupt the delivery business with a new green solution; one that doe snot require expensive to operate and maintain vehicular fleets."  Under this system, each warehouse would be equipped with an array of catapults that could launch products to customers within a 50 mile radius.  New algorithms have been developed to fine tune the catapult aiming system to accurately deliver products right through a customer's door.  Minor adjustments in flight will be accomplished using advanced telemetry and inertial navigation systems on the delivery module.  In anticipation of potential damage to household structures, each delivery will be accompanied with a door/window repair kit, which will be made available free to Prime subscribers.  When fully deployed, the CHDS is expected to eliminate the need for up to 1 million delivery vehicles and reduce carbon dioxide emissions by 7 billion tons annually.  Recognizing that a 50 mile range of the catapult will limit deliveries to customers relatively close to warehouses, Amazon has begun preliminary development of an alternate delivery using 150 mm artillery, which will deliver useless consumer products in lieu of explosive ordnance.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

HP Set to Make Printing Green

Printer juggernaut Hewlett Packard unveiled a new line of green printers which the company claims will be many times more environmentally friendly than any printer currently available.  "Double sided printing, non-toxic ink, and other innovations have provided incremental environmental improvements over the years," explained HP spokesperson Kathleen Simpson.  "However, our new technology will enable an order of magnitude reduction in the carbon footprint of the of the printer industry."  At the core of the new green printers is a proprietary algorithm utilizing neural networks and fuzzy logic which only allows randomly selected print jobs to actually be printed.  All other print jobs will simply display a series of nonsensical error messages such as "CODE 5XY" or "RGB 1, 2 , 9."  In addition, a newly developed planetary gear system with precisely machined defects will produce frustratingly frequent paper jams.  The company says the new printer wi...

Cyber Stroke Looking to Shake Up Salt Dispenser Industry

Tech startup Cyber Stroke , announced the introduction a new Bluetooth enabled salt shaker; which the company says is set to revolutionize the way salt is dispensed.  At a press conference in Silicon Valley, co-founder and CEO Martin Thibodaux declared, “The way Americans have used salt shakers for generations is broken, and Cyber Stroke is here to fix it!”.  The sleek new design uses 3D printing technology to customize each salt shaker to fit the users unique hand, or “shake grip”, as it is known in the industry.  The device communicates directly to the Cyber Stroke Cloud via a house’s  wireless network to indicate when the level of salt is critically low.  That triggers an automated order, and a new fresh packet of salt is delivered straight to the user to refill the device. The packet is precisely measured prior to shipment to fill the shaker to the optimal level, eliminating the need to estimate the proper amount to pour out of a larger container as is curre...

NRA Introduces Open Carry for Nukes Bill

The National Rifle Association has sponsored legislation in the U.S. Senate that would allow open carry of tactical and strategic nuclear weapons with a yield of 1 megaton and less.  In a press briefing, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell stated, "Our NRA overlords have indicated that the only thing that will stop a bad guy with a nuke, is a good guy with a nuke.  We have no reason to question that."  Moderate Senate Republicans have signaled concerns that 1 megatons was too high of a threshold, and that they would want to lower the maximum yield to 150 kilotons.  "We feel that limiting the size of personally owned nuclear weapons to 10 times the size of the Hiroshima bomb is a reasonable compromise," said Senator Susan Collins (R-Maine).  Wayne LaPierre of the NRA argued that limiting the size of open carry nukes would be as dangerous to the nation as limiting the size of assault rifle magazines, and would be a slippery slope to outright repeal of the Secon...